I'm a bad mommy!

Let me preface this by saying thank you to all the supportive comments written after I posted a note on FB about this issue. The kind words really did make me feel better but I still feel the need to write about it in case others feel the same way! Yesterday evening I was an exhausted mommy, doesn't make it better, and I was dealing with an exhausted Bee. Still, it doesn't make it better to me. Anyway, it was about 2 minutes to 7:00 pm when Bee brought out her container of puzzle pieces. I promptly told her that she wouldn't be able to play long with them because it would be time for a bath. Her words to me were, "No!" and she wagged (this is a new thing) her finger at me. I sighed and let it go, still slightly annoyed, and told her not to tell me "no." I let her play and some time passed and realized it was past 7:00 and time for her bath. Now, I was being so strict on bedtime not only because if we get off schedule she is a bear to be around but frankly, I was tired and ready for bed! And even though we may start bedtime at 7:00 I know it won't be over until close to 8:00! So, I told her it was time to pick up her puzzle pieces and she again wagged her finger at me and told me "no!" I told her I would help her and she said "no!" Being the mommy I stood up and started to pick them up and asked her to hand them to me so that I could help her. Well, that is when she threw a puzzle piece at me! I said, "do you need to go have quiet time and sit in time out?" Not really knowing what I was asking, this sort of behavior punishment has just started in our house given she is so young but I wanted to start at least letting her know there are consequences to her actions, anyway, I asked her that and she said in the cutest voice, "'tay." I said to her again, "you want to sit in time out?" And she said sweetly again, "'tay." I really don't know why it made me so mad but I pulled one of her little chairs out and set it near the wall. Then, I walked over and snatched her by the arm, ooo twinge of guilt enters here, took her over and sat her in the chair. At this point she was crying, not the fake little cry but she was crying truly with the big fat tears streaming down her precious little cheeks. I walked over finished picking up the puzzle pieces, all the while she stayed right where I say her, and took the puzzle to her room. While on the way to her room I had to fight back the tears from feeling terrible! I would never hurt her in anyway and I know in the long run I didn't really but I still felt guilty. And I refused to go over and get her right away because I don't want her to think, in the future, that all she has to do is cry and she can get out of it. So, I put the puzzle away and then walked back and told her it was time for a bath. I picked her up and gave her a hug, told her I loved her and that I was sorry if I hurt her arm. I must have told her that a dozen more times while giving her a bath and getting her ready for bed. Which by the time the bath started she was totally fine but I was NOT! What I realize now is that this may be a long line of times I feel terrible because she will have to understand that when she does something wrong there are consequences. I also realize I may end up being a stricter parent than I would have originally thought! Hopefully cool but also a little more strict than what I always imagined. I do think I will need to work on my patience so that I am not a hovering, maniac, suffocating mother! Here's to working on my patience!

As many other mommys told me when they commented on the post I made: not bad mommy, just human mommy!! I just need to keep reminding myself of that!!

To Take Her or Not to Take Her!

Tomorrow my husband and I are off to the gulf coast to spend a few days together, alone! The last time we were away together was our honeymoon two years ago. So, it's been a while but that is the norm, or so I hear, for parents of little ones! We are very excited but also a little sad to be leaving our Bee. This will be the longest we will have been away from her since she was born! Usually, if she goes to stay at Nana and Papa's it only for a couple days. This time we will be away from her for FOUR days! Because of this we hedged back and forth trying to decide if we should bring her or not. It was very close! Taking her with us would be so fun! Just spending the day at the beach, taking her swimming and to Fort De Soto park for walks on the trails and out on the sand bars! Watching her discover new things! Hearing her laugh and have fun! Hugs, kisses, lots of love!! Plus, she looks sooo cute in her bathing suits! It would be a great time! Then, we remembered, we would have to rush back to the room for naps, we would have to turn in on the early side so she wouldn't get too crabby, we would be up early every day so no sleeping in! Trust me that child has an internal alarm clock that rarely lets her sleep past 7:15! Most importantly we would have to deal with meltdowns and temper tantrums and the terrible two's get closer everyday!!! Not exactly relaxation friendly! So, our decision started to sway! If she did not go we could stay out late and have some cocktails. We could sleep in for four days straight! Heck, we could sleep all day if we wanted! No getting up in the middle of the night to have to check on her, which repeatedly still do even though she is older! We could literally walk out of the room to the beach and plop down with out having to plan out everything and make sure we had everything we needed for her. We could read!!! Uninterrupted reading! And not kid's books either! Our decision was soon made after that. We decided NOT to take her. We have told ourselves, she's so young she won't feel left out or be mad at us for not taking her. She won't even remember it later in life! We are hoping these things will help us get through the guilt of not taking her and of course the sadness of missing her while we are gone!! We are going to miss her terribly but know Nana, Papa and even Uncle D will be taking care of her! It will like a mini vacation for her as well! She loves going over there so now I feel no guilt! Mom and Dad deserve some time away and we are grasping on to it for dear life! (Sigh, but we will still think about her contantly and wish she was with us!)

Yeah, I bribe my kid with TV and food, so?

When Bee was a newborn/infant the house was hardly ever clean, to my satisfaction anyway. Hubby tried but I have a certain way of doing things. I took his help and was okay with it because everyone said, "sleep when the baby sleeps," "don't worry about the housework, it can wait, spend time with your baby," "we don't care what the house looks like, we come to see you guys." So, I reluctantly learned to "let go" knowing that when Bee got a little older I would be able to go back to having a clean house, the way I like it. That, my friends, was a major misconception on my part! It is harder now, more than ever, to get those things done! She clings to my every movement! She will literally cling to my leg and beg for me to pick her up! If I leave the room, she leaves the room. For pete's sake she follows me into the bathroom! But! I have found two things that are sure to give me 20 to 30 minutes of uninterrupted cleaning and cooking time! Food and TV! Now, I know what you are thinking, that is terrible! I used to think the same thing! I always told myself; I will let Bee only have a certain amount of TV time a day. That still happens, unintentionally, but it does happen! My stepdaughter has had a TV in her room as long as I have known her, since she was 4! I vowed that my child would never have a TV in her room that young and I stick to that firmly but what does it hurt to use the TV in the living room for some solace? I say it doesn't hurt at all!!! I am selective about what she is aloud to see and what she is aloud to put in her belly. Snacks usually consist of grapes (a Bee favorite), goldfish or cheerios and the TV shows are one of three things. The first one is Yo Gabba Gabba which is her absolute favorite and she asks for it by name. Well, her name for it which is "dabba dabba." The second is Curious George. She loves George but mostly reading about him instead of watching. The third is anything playing at the time on Noggin! Those shows are all geared to toward preschoolers and there are no crazy commercials or sponges using the words dumb, stupid, idiot etc. The shows she watches teach manners, shapes, math, science, interaction with others, and improve kinetestic skills. (Do we watch a lot of Noggin and PBS or what?) All things that working in an educational industry has taught me are important. The most important thing that has come from this is that I get short windows of time, with out a toddler clinging to my leg, to get my house in order! So, slective TV - YES! Selective snacks - YES! Happy toddler - YES! Happy Momma - YES!! Happy momma = happy house - YES! So, yeah, I bribe my kid with food and TV, don't judge me!

Is my kid becoming a snot??

Yikes! Yesterday we spent the day at Nana and Papa's because my aunt and uncle were down for a quick visit. They haven't seen Bee for a few months so we were excited for them to get to see how much she has changed and how much she has learned! Plus, of course, to see how more and more beautiful she is getting! ;) When my aunt and uncle got the house she was sleeping so we all visited for a bit. After a while Nana said she thought she heard Bee and went to check on her. Daddy went in there as well. After a few minutes they emerged with what looked like my child but actions to come over the afternoon would prove that there was some sort of baby switch there for a few hours. She was immediately whiny and clingy to me. This may be caused by the fact that Nana couldn't help herself and got her up too soon. Sorry Nana, but true! I thought, okay, this is okay, give her some time and let her wake up, warm up to the new people in the room and everything will be okay. I'm okay, you're okay, she's okay, we'll all be okay! That did not happen! She refused to go to them. Some how my child forgot how to say please and thank you! Those are some of the first words she learned! She always says them automatically and with our prodding! Not this day though! I couldn't get her to say them, at all, to anyone! My aunt and uncle would talk with her and try to tickle her and she would ignore them or cry out if they touched or even went near her! It was awful! Then, it got a little worse. She finally warmed up to my uncle but for some reason not to my aunt. At dinner we put on some music and she started to dance. Which is so fun and she is too cute dancing. Well, every time my aunt tried to watch or clap along, like all the rest of us were doing, she would look at my aunt, point her little finger at her and say "No!" This killed me!! Any time my aunt tried to watch her dance she specifically told her "no!" So, we got through dinner and it was time for a bath. I got her in the tub and washed up and she was playing. My aunt came in to see her and Bee let her watch for a bit but then looked up and said "Bye, Bye" to her! My aunt asked Bee if she wanted her to go and Bee said.."Yes!" I was so sad! Why was my little, sweet girl acting like this to some one I adore and love!! All I can come up with still is that she was tired and well, she's turning two in a few months and they say the terribleness starts early! She finally started to warm up a little right before we were about to leave, of course! And snippets of the baby girl we all know started to shine through. I am still sad by the way Bee was acting and wonder, have we done something wrong? Do we give in to her too much? Am I a bad mommy and not teaching her well enough? I tried desperately to let her know her behavior was not acceptable but it seemed to go in one ear and come out the other! I read all about how the threes are worse and after this long day I am left wondering.... is the worst is yet to come? Don't answer that!

Bedtime tantrums and biting....sheesh!

We have hit a spell, a bad spell, with bedtime. My beautiful little master manipulator has learned that all she needs to do is scream, at the top of her lungs, and we come running! Well, it seems that we have gotten hip to that! The last two nights instead of running back in there we have let her scream. I mean she really lets loose! She screams for us at the top of her lungs but oddly enough, no tears! Hmmm, so, we decided to let her scream it out. It literally took four minutes both nights before she was quiet and sleeping! Amazing! All we had to do was take our "feeling guilty" hats off and it seemed to be fine! We will see how it goes tomorrow night!! 

Today was interesting when I went to pick Bee up from daycare. I was told upon my arrival that she cried for me several times during the day, which of course made me sad but then I was told she bit another classmate. At this point the day is almost over so what do I about it? I know I can spend a little one on one time with her in the evening to let her know I am here, not leaving her, I love her and she's my girl. The biting though, how can I talk to her about it way after the fact? We are going to try though and see what happens! The screaming I can handle but the biting I seem to have a more difficult time with! Wish us luck!

First Haircut!

Well, Saturday August 8, 2009 was Bee's first haircut! I was nervous, excited and a little sad. My baby is growing up! I was nervous and bracing myself for an all out scream fest but...it was actually fine! We got there fairly early in the morning and when we walked in the stylist had balloons all over her station and a little present on the table for Bee. It was very sweet and over and beyond! Bee loved it and it made the experience really special! I decided I would go first to show her that there was nothing to be afraid of and it seems as though that worked! While I was getting my haircut Bee sat with Nana and watched, very intently. She studied everything from the shampooing to the drying! It was like she was taking notes! We kept asking her if she wanted to go next and she would say "tay." We got her in the chair and put the smock on her. She didn't like the smock and instead of fighting her about it and causing unnecessary tears we took it off. She did really well. The stylist gave her some hair clips to play with. While she played with those she got her hair cut and it was done. It was done in less than 10 minutes! She was so good and got her little present afterwards. Over all it was a very good and positive experience! Thank goodness!! Now she looks more like a little girl and less like a baby! That has been a little hard but I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. My reccomendation to anyone who has to go through this is to plan it out well and try to get your hair cut first! If mommy does it then it must be okay!!

Huh?

About a week ago Bee started answering questions with "huh?" Not only would she answer the questions with "huh" but anything you said to her would be followed by her saying, "huh?" I was appalled and determined to find out where in the world she learned such a word!! I was also determined to fix it, and I still am because it is still happening! My first thought was, ugh, daycare!! She picks up so many things from there! Biting, hitting, colds etc. Why wouldn't she pick up bad grammar as well, I thought. I quickly observed that the teachers there are actually pretty good at correcting the kids when they don't use "big people words." They are adamant in this age group that the kids use correct wording to convey what they are thinking and feeling. So, I crossed that off my list. Next using my Sherlock Holmes investigation skills was the T.V. Bee watches only two television programs. Mostly because that is all we want her to watch but it is her choice as well. She watches Yo Gabba Gabba and Curious George. I watch them both, A LOT, with her and never heard "huh" being used in "Dabba Dabba," as Bee lovingly refers to it. I did, however, hear George make a sound similar to "huh." I thought, no way, our George is teaching her talk like a monkey? Husband thought that that was the case too. So, unfortunately, we would blame it on the monkey. Poor George. Until.....we were walking down the sidewalk yesterday, Bee said something to me and I didn't quite hear her, so I said...wait for it...."huh?" ME!!! It was ME all along teaching my child to sound so...... uneducated! I caught myself doing it several times through out the evening! I would ask her a question, she wouldn't answer right away and I would say "huh?" I can not believe it! What is more noticeable and most important is that she has now started to pick up things I say! So, that made me realize I need to be way more careful with my words!! Especially driving in the care! I guess calling people F'ing litterbugs or other colorful phrases about their driving will, in deed, need to be monitored by me because right now it seems they are being monitored by my child!! (As a side note; since this is a blog on speaking and grammar, I did go back and try to fix all the mistakes I may have made! There could still be some lingering though! Ha!)

Is my child a master manipulater?

Last night I saw something pretty silly but interesting! Nana and Pop Pop made a spontaneous visit and while we were there Bee put on some of her best work! The first time she got a boo boo, while they were there, it was for real and we were all "Are you okay?" and giving her hugs and kisses. Well, the times that followed were not so serious. They were down right little shows! She did her fake little whine and crinkled her nose like she was crying. Immediately the hubby and I were like, "oh, please! you are fine." But...Nana, was well, a different story! She immediately put her arms out to Bee and Bee would go running to her, making that silly face and the fakest little cry you can imagine! Every time Bee would "hurt" herself she would instantly look over to her Nana, Nana would put her arms out and say "come here precious girl" in her most ridiculous baby talk! It was a little disgusting! These events have led me to question myself and how much do I personally give in to her? I think I must give in to her plenty and I probably don't even know it! So, this has put me on a little quest to find out.... is my little Bee a little master manipulater? Stay tuned! I will be giving updates! Ha!!

Screaming toddler and dirty looks: A stop at the store!

Well, coincidentally, tonight marks a definite first in my mommyhood journey! I used to be one of those people who always wondered how a mother could stand a child screaming! I mean, really, how could they just completely ignore the fact that their child is yelling and crying at the top of their lungs. I always thought, geeze, shut that kid up! Pick it up, do something! Tonight I was, for the first time, on the other side of that!

We stopped, myself and Bee, at a super store on the way home to pick up a couple of things. We started in the produce section where I made a huge mistake and asked Bee if she wanted me to get grapes. Grapes! Who knew the little, round, pieces of sweet goodness would turn my child into a meltdown having toddler! Anyway, she said "yes please" very politely and I picked them up and put them in the cart. She did not like that at all, she wanted a grape and she wanted it now! I tried explaining to her in between her shrill shrieks that we needed to wait to get home and wash them before she had one. That explanation, however, did not seem to work! The harder I tried to explain it to her the louder she screamed! I took her over to the dairy section, all the while she is screaming and crying, and tried to give her a cheese stick, one of her fave things but that only quieted her just long enough for me to rush through the aisles and get to the register! I started to look around feeling eyes on me as she started to ramp up again! I wondered then if people thought I was stealing this little girl or beating her the way they were looking at me! Then, I saw him, he was there with what had to be his wife or girlfriend and he was giving me the look of, "shut that kid up!" I had to stop myself from asking what it was exactly he was looking at! I literally wanted to say, "hey, have you never seen a kid crying before?" Then I realized, that must be what I looked like to other poor mothers just trying to get their melting down children out of the store! I felt horrible for a minute until my loving, sweet, beautiful daughter slapped me on the arm while still screaming bringing me back to reality. At that instant I wanted to say to the guy, "hey, instead of just standing there why don't you help me out! It will benefit both of us!" I realized that was unrealistic, he left, I paid and we were out of the store! I have to say, that guy had to deal with my kid screaming, yes, but only for a short time! I had to deal with it all the way home, getting into the house, while getting the stupid grapes out and washing them, putting them into the bowl for her and physically putting them in front her so she could see she was going to have the grapes!! Dude in line in front of me with the dirty look, check yourself because I definitely got the worse end of that deal! But at the same time I feel bad for him if he doesn't have or appreciate kids because it was totally worth it when she and I were on the couch just minutes later; she was eating her grapes and she leaned over, gave me the biggest hug and told me she loved me! Sorry, so worth the screaming! I definitely got the BETTER end of that deal!

One More Thing...

I decided to allow ads to be on my blog, not sure if this was a wise decision or not. I suppose we will have to wait and see. I would appreciate any feedback on whether or not this is annoying!
Thanks!

First Blog Ever!

So, I am new to the whole blogging thing. I have read other blogs and have friends that enjoy doing it but I never thought to do it myself. Until a friend mentioned it to me that is. I am not one of those moms who records every step of my child's progress or spends time creating scrapbooks. I am lazy that way. I alway think that I can rely on my memory, which if you are a mom, you know I am clearly lying to myself! So, taking my friend's advice, I decided I would give this a try and use it sort of as my memory keeper. Now, we just need to see if I keep up with it!

Here is a little history on me and my family. My husband and I met about 9 years ago. The first two years we were friends. He was married to some one else and had a daughter with his then wife. Then, well, things changed and suddenly he wasn't married anymore and suddenly we realized that the friendship was more than just a friendship. We have been together since 2002. We were married in 2007 and concieved our beautiful baby girl on our honeymoon or so my husband thinks! I tend to think it was a couple weeks later but what do I know, it was only MY body! My daughter and step-daughter share the same birthday and are exactly 10 years apart. It's interesting really how close they are for being so far apart in age. It could have gone pretty badly with them sharing the same birthday but instead they have a great bond. Much to our relief!

I am sure in upcoming blogs you will see the struggles I have with being a wife, a new mom, learning with a 20 month old, learning to deal with a 20 month old and also dealing with the outside issues of a step-daughter and a husband's lunatic ex-wife. Mostly though I will spend time talking about my Bee. We call her Bee because when she was a newborn she would get herself all worked up and you would think you were going to hear a full blown crying fit but instead she would say "mmbbee." So, that is how her nickname got started and we love it! We love our little Bee!