Let me preface this by saying thank you to all the supportive comments written after I posted a note on FB about this issue. The kind words really did make me feel better but I still feel the need to write about it in case others feel the same way! Yesterday evening I was an exhausted mommy, doesn't make it better, and I was dealing with an exhausted Bee. Still, it doesn't make it better to me. Anyway, it was about 2 minutes to 7:00 pm when Bee brought out her container of puzzle pieces. I promptly told her that she wouldn't be able to play long with them because it would be time for a bath. Her words to me were, "No!" and she wagged (this is a new thing) her finger at me. I sighed and let it go, still slightly annoyed, and told her not to tell me "no." I let her play and some time passed and realized it was past 7:00 and time for her bath. Now, I was being so strict on bedtime not only because if we get off schedule she is a bear to be around but frankly, I was tired and ready for bed! And even though we may start bedtime at 7:00 I know it won't be over until close to 8:00! So, I told her it was time to pick up her puzzle pieces and she again wagged her finger at me and told me "no!" I told her I would help her and she said "no!" Being the mommy I stood up and started to pick them up and asked her to hand them to me so that I could help her. Well, that is when she threw a puzzle piece at me! I said, "do you need to go have quiet time and sit in time out?" Not really knowing what I was asking, this sort of behavior punishment has just started in our house given she is so young but I wanted to start at least letting her know there are consequences to her actions, anyway, I asked her that and she said in the cutest voice, "'tay." I said to her again, "you want to sit in time out?" And she said sweetly again, "'tay." I really don't know why it made me so mad but I pulled one of her little chairs out and set it near the wall. Then, I walked over and snatched her by the arm, ooo twinge of guilt enters here, took her over and sat her in the chair. At this point she was crying, not the fake little cry but she was crying truly with the big fat tears streaming down her precious little cheeks. I walked over finished picking up the puzzle pieces, all the while she stayed right where I say her, and took the puzzle to her room. While on the way to her room I had to fight back the tears from feeling terrible! I would never hurt her in anyway and I know in the long run I didn't really but I still felt guilty. And I refused to go over and get her right away because I don't want her to think, in the future, that all she has to do is cry and she can get out of it. So, I put the puzzle away and then walked back and told her it was time for a bath. I picked her up and gave her a hug, told her I loved her and that I was sorry if I hurt her arm. I must have told her that a dozen more times while giving her a bath and getting her ready for bed. Which by the time the bath started she was totally fine but I was NOT! What I realize now is that this may be a long line of times I feel terrible because she will have to understand that when she does something wrong there are consequences. I also realize I may end up being a stricter parent than I would have originally thought! Hopefully cool but also a little more strict than what I always imagined. I do think I will need to work on my patience so that I am not a hovering, maniac, suffocating mother! Here's to working on my patience!
As many other mommys told me when they commented on the post I made: not bad mommy, just human mommy!! I just need to keep reminding myself of that!!
You are NOT a bad mommy!! A bad mommy would fail to discipline their child in the first place. If you let bad behavior slide now, it will only snowball in the future, and in no time flat you will have a child who knows no rules and has no respect for authority. Not only would that be a nightmare to deal with, but it could also be dangerous (such as having them ignore you as you scream stop, as they run in to the street etc.). Be the boss, and mean it, and sometimes that means SHOWING it. Honestly, it's not all that different than training a dog, at least during the years in which they are unable to fully communicate verbally.
ReplyDeleteThere are plenty of ways to hold the reigns my dear. You'll eventually discover which grip feels most comfortable, and which is the most effective, but whatever you do NEVER forget who's supposed to be holding them!!!
Amen to that!
ReplyDeleteYour little girl is discovering that she is capable of individuality, and like a true child decides the first thing she's going to do is push! She is discovering her bounderies—don't feel bad for setting rules and sticking to them, you are setting rules for the future. By following thru with punishments, you are establishing consequences for her actions, and establishing bounderies. I know she is little and VERY adorable, but she is also an intelligent person who is learning about her world, and you will be helping her to understand it more by giving her structure and guidlines to go by.
I can't tell you how many times I thought my son would never speak to me again after laying down the law, only to have him come to me later and give me a hug. It was as if he was thanking me for letting him know where he stands (my interpretation, of course). Always let her know you love her, but stick to your guns, realize your human, and God built children with tremendous ability to forgive and love for a reason... he knows we're not perfect!